My Most Viewed Article in Dr. Eugene’s Column: Resist the Temptation to always correct others!
We all make mistakes. No one is above making errors and no one knows
everything. It can be very comforting when these things are brought to our
attention by friends, colleagues or family members; we thus endeavour to make
amends. Just as much as we love to make amends when corrected, we also feel
obligated to correct other people when they too make mistakes. The act of
correcting others when they make mistakes can be intuitive and spontaneous;
sometimes we don’t give it much thought before doing it. For others, it can be
a force of habit. There are people who relish the opportunity to correct others
and they actively scrutinize what other people do in order to point out their
mistakes. Now, there is a truism in the saying, ‘Too much of anything is bad.’
Many of us want genuine correction when we make mistakes, but no one wants to
be admonished at all times. It’s very frustrating when all you hear are the
things you did wrong. We already know that we make mistakes as humans but to
have someone else rob it on our face at every given opportunity can be very
annoying and that can make one feel less human. Thus, even when we are
dead right, sometimes it’s courteous and humane to resist the temptation of
correcting other people. Let me illustrate this point with the following real
life examples:
You are not fluent in English and you are going out it with someone who
speaks the language eloquently. How will you feel if that individual corrects
every grammatical error you make? ‘Sorry, it’s not ‘is,’ ‘was’ is more
appropriate.’ ‘Why do you keep using ‘I shall’ instead of ‘I will’? It’s
irritating. You are out on a date and you are afraid to speak because your date
has taken it upon him/her to be your English teacher. Instead of your
discussions to be an English class, it would be an act of love if we
occasionally resist the temptation to correct the other person. Remember, there
is the time and place for everything.
You have a colleague at work who always only call attention to the things
you did wrong. He/she does not commend you for the things you did right. While
it helps to point out what the other person did wrong, especially when the
person is new on the job, there are insignificant errors that you can overlook.
When you overlook some inconsequential mistakes, you give yourself the latitude
to come in when there’s a serious mistake or when a pattern of mistakes comes
to the fore. It also helps to commend other colleagues for doing a good job; so
that on the day they do badly, calling their attention to it would be received
warmly.
In our interactions on Facebook, Twitter, and the like, sometimes we
notice when people make mistakes. You can lovingly call their attention to it
publicly or better still privately. But don’t make it a habit. It’s unkind to
draw the attention of others to every mistake they make. Even when you are dead
right, let some comments or contributions pass on as innocent mistakes or
personal opinions. It’s doesn’t help online friendship and interactions if
other people see you as Mr./Mrs./Miss Know-it-all. No one knows it all and no
one is above mistakes. How often we find that something we had passionately
argued about before was wrong in light of new information!
Resisting the impulse to always be Mr. Right is a virtue. There are times
when speech is silver and silence is golden. Letting go of some things can be a
course of wisdom. Being patient and holding back on some occasions can make it
easier for us to think it through and make more research or inquiry to
ascertain the facts. Knowledge is not static; it’s dynamic. Some of the things
we knew before have changed or evolved. Taking the time to check and crosscheck
facts in light of new information can help us make more accurate and
appropriate inputs into whatever endeavour we are engaged in. When we are in a
hurry to correct others, we might end up looking foolish if we turn out to be
on the wrong. You may look smart when you quickly correct others, but you
garner more respect and approval when you patiently and responsibly call
attention to the errors of others. Remember, a wise man is quick in hearing but
slow in speaking. Even when you are right, it’s an act of love to overlook some
inconsequential errors! It’s also an exercise in self-control when we resist
the temptation to always correct others. A word to the wise: a word of genuine
praise is more powerful than a thousand words of needless criticism.
©Dr Eugene’s Column (http://dreugeneojirigho.blogspot.com/)
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