My Best Jokes of 2013 – (Redacted Part 1)


(1) Sometimes, I forget things easily. One day, I adjusted my changeover switch after putting off my generator. After a short while, I forgot whether or not I've adjusted the switch. So I went back out to check, only for me to find out that have done that already. I started this conversation with my changeover switch:

Switch: O boy, you don dey old oh! (Man, you are getting old!)

Me: What?

Switch: Nor be na na you change me. (You came here a while ago to make the change.)

Me: So?

Switch: kwekeee! (No equivalent in Queen’s English. It’s an exclamatory expression.)

Me: Shut up! Take your time oh! (Be careful!) Otherwise, I’ll scatter scatter you. (I’ll destroy you.)

Switch: Me, I’m not worried oh, I know you will soon forget what I said.

(2) A lady went for a job interview in Nigeria. She learnt that one of the questions asked was, ‘What’s your state of origin?’ She also learnt that there was preference for applicants from a particular state, Imo State; but she was not a native of that state. So, when it got to her turn, she was asked:
‘What’s your state of origin?’
Her reply:
‘My maternal grandfather is from Imo state.’

(3) There was this guy named John. He loved using high-sounding words in his everyday conversations. Listen:

Friend: Hello John, how was your night?

John: I had immense glee in my nocturnal slumber.

Friend: John, you look exhausted. How was work today?

John: I’m completely spent in my mundane aspirations to garner a means of livelihood.

One morning, John saw a friend. Listen:

John: Blissful dawn! May your diurnal course overflow with transcendental benevolence!

Friend: John the Grammarian. Same to you! Same to you! Carry go!

Sadly, on one fateful day, John’s house was on fire. He ran out to call for help. He saw some of his neighbours. Listen:

John: Please, kindly assist in extinguishing the conflagration that has beset my domicile.

They ignored him: ‘This guy with em too much grammar (grammarian)’

John: Please, my house has been engulfed with a raging inferno that threatens to pulverize all my lifelong attainments.

He was ignored. When he finally realized the dire nature of the situation and how helpless he was, he shouted:

‘Please, my house is on fire. Abeg, my house dey burn ooo. Help! Help! Help ooo.’

Neighbours: ‘Eh en….. John, so you sabi this one? (So, you can speak this way?)’


©Dr Eugene’s Column (http://dreugeneojirigho.blogspot.com/)
©Dr Eugene’s Blogs (http://dreugeneoji.blogspot.com/)

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