My Best Jokes of 2013 – (Redacted Part 3; Pidgin English)
Blind Beggar
Tori!
E get one blind man wen dey beg for one road junction.
One smart guy waka meet the blind man. This guy drop 20naira 4 the blind man
plate and collected 100naira change in the process thinking the blind man won't
notice. As he turned to leave, the blind man laughed out loudly saying:
'Na wa ooo. See small boy wan cheat old man. When I
dey ur age, na so i dey collect from where I nor sow. Na one man wen I collect
from, na' em curse me. That's why I be beggar now. If you nor want that curse
to follow you, come drop the 100naira sharp sharp.'
The guy replied: 'Bros, cool down na. Na we we na.
Na me be the deaf and dumb for the next junction.'
Blind man: 'Ok co-worker. Nor worry. Carry go. That
100naira note na the counterfeit money one guy drop for me yesterday.'
Fake blind man!
You don ever
pass one quiet street, only you, you come jam one big man wen nor wear shirt,
hold sharp cutlass dey waka towards you. O boyee. You go first confuse, whether
make you run go back or make you begin dey greet the guy from distance so that
em mind go cool down before you near am.
E come get one guy wen dey say em blind, e nor dey
see, e dey use long stick dey waka. Na so d guy enter one quiet road. Na only
him dey. E come dey waka freely; e nor dey use d stick. After few minutes, he
come sight one man dey come from distance. The blind guy quickly arrange em
stick, dey form blind guy.
As he come dey near the other man, he come see say
the guy nor wear shirt and he hold one sharp new cutlass. O boy, na so the
blind man stop. E dey reason: ‘This man wen nor wear shirt and he hold cutlass,
na farmer abi na ritualist? Wen e see say d cutlass guy don dey near am, e come
remember say, sometimes, na disabled people dem take do ritual pass. O boy, na
so d blind man, leave em stick dey tear race dey go.
D cutlass man dey tell am say ‘eh, you forget your stick
ooo!’ O boy, blind man nor send. 4 em mind, safety first!
O boyee.. wetin people nor go do to survive for dis
naija!
‘I wanna go!’
Once upon a time, I had someone assisting me to interpret in my workplace. She dey assist me dey interpret. Dis lady, uhmmmm! She dey speak Special English. English wen nor be Pidgin English and nor be good English. English wen I never hear for my life before. I dey use sense dey listen so dat she nor go interpret toxic stuff to me or the patient. Any time wen I see say she dey stammer, ‘em eh em eh’ I know say na toxic stuff dey come. So I go rewind wetin I talk. This lady, any time patients don finish, if she wan go house, she go say ‘I wanna go.’ E be like say dat na the English wen she hear from oyibo films.
Once upon a time, I had someone assisting me to interpret in my workplace. She dey assist me dey interpret. Dis lady, uhmmmm! She dey speak Special English. English wen nor be Pidgin English and nor be good English. English wen I never hear for my life before. I dey use sense dey listen so dat she nor go interpret toxic stuff to me or the patient. Any time wen I see say she dey stammer, ‘em eh em eh’ I know say na toxic stuff dey come. So I go rewind wetin I talk. This lady, any time patients don finish, if she wan go house, she go say ‘I wanna go.’ E be like say dat na the English wen she hear from oyibo films.
Na so, every day wen we close, ‘I wanna go’…. ‘I wanna go’
So one day, she wan go collect something outside then she go come back later, she say, ‘I wanna came’
Na so I quickly tell her, ‘before u wanna came, me I wanna go ooo’
Na so I take comot o… It's all good. All join!
©Dr Eugene’s Column (http://dreugeneojirigho.blogspot.com/)
©Dr Eugene’s Blogs (http://dreugeneoji.blogspot.com/)
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