My Best Jokes of 2013 – (Redacted Part 4)


Staylites/Jambite!

Years ago while on my matriculation groove, the ‘staylites’ (old students as opposed to the freshmen - Jambites) were singing: “Matriculation nor be convocation; matriculation nor be convocation; matriculation nor be convocation; somebody go kpai (die).”

There was this guy, he was a staylite. He had a younger brother who was a Jambite. They went to a convocation ceremony together. Before they left home, they agreed on a code of communication:

1st class degree = I too know
2nd class upper degree = I pass them
2nd class lower degree = I am loyal
3rd class degree = I don’t care
Pass = I was there
Fail = The Devil is a liar.

When they got to the ceremony, they went inside the Auditorium.
Jambite pointed to some guys grinning from molar to molar, Staylite said: ‘I too know.’

Jambite pointed to some sitting close to the podium, Staylite: ‘I pass them.’

Jambite looked behind him, Staylite: ‘I am loyal.’

Finally, they came out. Jambite saw so many people with convocation gowns standing outside taking pictures and partying. Jambite: ‘Why are they standing outside when the actual ceremony is going on inside? Staylite: ‘I don’t care.’

Not long after that they heard some guys with convocation gowns whining about the lecturers and administrative staffs that who took part in a procession in and out of the hall. Staylite introduced them as the ‘I was there’ crew.

At the back of the Auditorium, Jambite saw a group of boys and girls. They were praying, singing, binding, and exorcising. Jambite pointed at them. Staylite: ‘Stop staring at them. The Devil is a liar.’

Bride Price!

In some parts of Nigeria, everything has monetary value. So too are potential brides. The monetary worth of a bride is proportional to her educational qualifications and the amount spent in raising her. The bride–price of a secondary sch. certificate holder is higher than a primary sch. certificate holder. That of a Diploma holder is next in ranking. After that you have in ascending order: B.Sc. holder; M.Sc. holder; MBBS holder; PhD holder and so forth.
There was this 40-year old Ibo man who wanted to marry a highly educated Ibo lady. He saw a lady he liked and went making enquiries on how to get the lady. He was told: ‘Una. She is a professor with OND, B.Sc., M.Sc., and PhDs.' When this man calculated her worth, he reasoned: ‘This amount of money can buy me two shops in Onitsha, two big plot of land in Owerri, and I can also use part of it to erect one complex of 10 rooms that I can place on rent. Una, I’m coming. I’m still a young man.'

Italian Bride!

Juju Juju! One Italian man woke up in his house one morning and saw a wedding ring on his finger
 He freaked: “Cosa! [meaning ‘what!’]”
To his surprise a black lady walked up to him in his bed-room. “Calmare! [meaning calm down]. Have you forgotten? We just came back from Nigeria where we did our traditional and white wedding. You are now my marito [meaning husband].”

The Italian man screamed: “Dio mio [meaning oh my God]” and fainted.
The wife said:
“il mio amore, svegliati [meaning my love, wake up] The honeymoon has just started.”


©Dr Eugene’s Column (http://dreugeneojirigho.blogspot.com/)
©Dr Eugene’s Blogs (http://dreugeneoji.blogspot.com/)

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