Reflections: Everyone Changes!
We live in a universe that is ever-changing. Everything around us
changes. Look at the leaves of the trees around us. Their colours change with
the seasons. Look at the animals. They are changing. From the day they were
born till the day they die, they undergo constant changes. What about the
heavenly bodies: the stars. They undergo change in
Change in
form. We change from small, helpless
Change in
behaviour. As kids, we were innocent. We were free to explore
our surroundings and were not held accountable for our actions. ‘They are just
kids’, others would say. As we grew older, we became more aware of our bodies,
our surroundings and we were held more and more accountable for our actions.
‘Why are you behaving like kids?’ some would then say. These changes are
challenged by the people around us, whether at home, in school, places of
worship, social gatherings and at places of employment. We must recognize that
just as the people around us evolve in their character formation, so do we.
Very often, our experiences, background, and upbringing differs a lot from
others. So, we never expect everyone to act in the same way but the fact is:
everyone changes. No one stays static. The choice is either you change to
become a more responsible, well-adjusted adult or you become irresponsible and
mal-adjusted. There is no in-between. There is no sitting on the fence. If we
are responsible and well-behaved and we don’t work hard to improve on ourselves
and our values, we will lose it. For emphasis, anyone who is contented with who
he/she is and does not make the conscious effort to be better and better at
his/her positive attributes, will end up losing it. Our universe does not give
room for stasis for long. It’s just like a new house. When it’s completed, it’s
all beautiful. What if the owners say, ‘This house is so beautiful, let’s leave
it as it is? No occupants. No maintenance.’ With time that once beautiful house
will deteriorate. Even a beautiful damsel needs to improve on her looks:
regular exercise, good nutrition, and good personal hygiene. All of these help
her to be the pretty angel that she is. On the other hand, if she takes herself
for granted and stay contented with the way she is, give her time, the beauty
will fade rapidly. If our behaviour is as sweet as angelic beauty, let us not
rest on our oars; work hard to make it shine more and more with pristine glory.
This is why we have reminders. Haven’t you wondered why we are often
reminded of things we’ve known from childhood? Why do we receive reminders from
the scriptures? Why are we often reminded on the TV, Radio and other
broadcasting media of the dangers of smoking, STIs, etc and on the value of
good hygiene, exercise, good nutrition and other healthy living lifestyles? It
is because it’s been a well accepted fact that everyone has the capacity to
change either for good or bad. It is not a matter of if, but when. So don’t
scorn at reminders, rather use that time to soberly reflect on them and avail
yourself the opportunity of been a better man or woman.
Change in
beliefs. When I talk about beliefs, it’s not all about
religious beliefs or doctrines however tempting that is. I’m talking about
personal beliefs, superstitions, and cultural, traditional or social beliefs. I’m
talking prevalent societal norms and values all of which are subject to change
in our ever-changing world. A lot has changed: traditional beliefs in human
sacrifices are changing in places like Benin, the killing of twins, and
the caste system in the East are now things of the past. The maltreatment of
sickle cell disease patients as ‘Ogbanjes’, and the horrific treatment handed
down to people with heart failure or kidney failure as ‘witches’ as a result of
the resultant body swelling they suffer, all of these is changing, albeit
slowly. More and more people with mental illnesses are seeking help at
psychiatric hospitals instead of going to traditional or religious homes where
they are chained, flogged, branded and treated like animals. As a young lad, even
though I had belief in God’s protection, I was in constant dread of ‘witches’.
I thought that ‘witches’ were responsible for every misfortune. Road traffic
accidents (RTAs) were often attributed to blood-thirsty ‘witches’. But a lot
has changed over the years. I’ve come to realize that belief in the
overwhelming power of ‘witches’ was bondage in itself. It’s very liberating
when you don’t have to suspect everybody around you as being a ‘witch’. More
and more persons are now taking personal responsibilities for their actions
rather than blame it on ‘witches’. Bad roads, bad government and bad conduct of
motorist are blamed for RTAs rather than superstitions.
Thanks to education, the media, science and the information age of the
internet and other sources of public enlightenment, a lot is changing. In view
of these changes, there is the need for us to re-evaluate our beliefs and value
system. In times past, many placed high premium on having many wives and many
children. It was viewed that the larger the family size, the more hands would
be available to care for the family trade which was mainly farming. Some also
opined that the larger the family, the higher the number that will survive. But
a lot has changed. If in this modern era, a young man aspires to have many
wives and many children, is he keeping up with the evolving world? Is he not
retrogressive? Gone are the days when women take pride in giving birth at home
or with local birth attendants. Now, more persons are aware that it is safer
for women to deliver babies in the hospital. Is our psyche or mentality been
shaped by archaic and superstitious beliefs? If u don’t catch-up and move along
with recent trends, you will be left behind.
Change in
knowledge. Knowledge is ever expanding and evolving. Lots of
things have changed. Even now, some scientists are challenging long-held
theories of older scientists like Albeit Einstein. Knowledge is growing fast
and vast in all disciplines. Are you a professional? Are you keeping up-to-date
with changes in your field? Are you a doctor that has been in the practice for
years? Are you keeping up-to-date with the CPDs/CMEs, seminars and other
educational avenues? Or do you cling to the old ways of doing things? Do you
still prescribe drugs that are banned like novalgin/analgin? You can’t be
content with what you know. You cannot know enough. The brain deteriorates when
it is not put to use. So learn something new, not just in your field but also
in other areas. You can learn a new language. You can visit places that afford
you the opportunities to learn more about nature. Listen to the news. Watch
documentaries. Read the dailies and weeklies. Go online. Surf the net. Get into
social networks. Interact with people all over the world. Get involved in
something new. Challenge yourself to new heights. Get a new car. Get married.
Have children. Do something good and exciting in your life. Remember, the world
is not waiting for you. It’s like a long race. If u run ahead of others and you
get to a point where you say, ‘I’m good’ and you stop, after a while every
other person will run past you and you will end up in backward position. So
don’t be content with what you are, get to know more and do more.
Change in
love and friendship. This is the last but very crucial area I want to
talk about. The friends you had in childhood are likely not the same friends
you have now as an adult. We change friends when we move from primary to
secondary schools. Same as when we get to tertiary institutions. Change of
employment or our places of abode also affect our relationship with others. It
is a natural course of events. These changes invariably affect our lives, our
values, our attitudes and the romantic interest we share with others. People
change. That is a fact you must recognize when you decide to get romantically
involved with someone. It’s not because people are bad or they don’t care, but
because there is a natural course of change; nobody stays the same. That is why
true and enduring friendship that will ultimately lead to life-long commitments
needs to stand the test of time. When you are in a relationship with someone,
the relationship changes and evolve. It evolves either into a stronger and
viable relationship or it deteriorates and collapses. No relationship stays
stagnant. So, evolve with your relationship. Know the strengths of your partner
and build on them, so he/she will change for the better. Know his/her
weaknesses and show understanding. Allow time to pass. Never be in a hurry. See
whether your compatibility is maintained as the relationship moves on. Don’t
wait passively. Look for new and exciting ways to spice your relationship.
Arrange for holidays, travel and visit places. Learn a new language. Learn a
new game. Even if you are married, people still change in their matrimonial
home. Having made life-long commitments, look for novel ways to uphold that
commitment. Relationships don’t thrive on monotony, doing the same things in
the same way every time. There’s always room for something new and different,
yet worthy and fulfilling. Don’t let an outsider or a stranger do that for you.
That could spell disaster for your relationship.
While minor changes we make everyday matters, of greater consequences are
the major changes we make when we leave home for school, when we leave school
for work, when we get married, when we travel out of the country for greener
pastures, etc. The question is not whether we will change or whether the world
around us will change, the real question is, how prepared are you to take
advantage of such changes? How prepared are you to evolve in this ever-changing
universe? Never be content with whom or what you are. Always strive to be a
better ‘you’, because no matter how noble and lofty you are, you can get
better. I’m not writing from the point of view of someone who has always made
the right choices and changes; rather from the point of view of one who has
made a lot of wrong choices and had witnessed firsthand the ill-consequences of
such changes. I’m no saint; neither are you. I don’t strive for sainthood;
neither should you. All I ever strive for is to be a better person because God
created all of mankind with the capacity to adapt favourably to the inevitable
changes of life. There is a good in all of mankind. May we all consciously
strive to improve in our little kindnesses, warm smiles, loving care, sense of
humour, sense of belonging and companionship, and the little things that makes
this earth a more lovable place to live in.
©Dr Eugene’s Column (http://dreugeneojirigho.blogspot.com/)
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